Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them.
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.
Sweet sister, if you are here and having an affair – I am here to encourage you to END IT. TODAY.
There is absolutely nothing more that I should or need to say outside of what the Lord has ALREADY said in Scripture. We are to have NOTHING to do with sexual immorality – and dishonoring your marriage, breaking the covenant you made with your husband and the Lord…this is very serious.
“If you love me, keep my commands.” – John 14:15
LOVE CHRIST MORE THAN YOUR SIN.
And make no mistakes, your affair is not romantic, it’s not love, and it’s not from God. IT IS SIN.
Hebrews 13:4, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”
There will be zero sugar coating here. While I love you as sisters in Christ, I love God more and our feelings MUST submit to obedience to His Word.
DIFFERENT TYPES OF AFFAIRS – P.S. THEY’RE ALL AFFAIRS.
James 1:15 tells us, “After desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”
- Emotional – You are feeling things for another person or person(s). There hasn’t been any physical contact (yet) but you have crossed into wanting, desiring, and fantasizing about this person. Do not let someone tell you differently, this is an affair. There is no such thing as “harmless” fantasizing when you’re married and in Christ.
Emotional affairs can be simply fantasizing, flirting, and/or actually communicating about your feelings with this individual. All are sin.
You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. – Matthew 5:27-28
- Physical/Sexual – You and another individual(s) have exchanged sexual intimacy. This can be done via the phone – Phone sex, sexting, etc. are STILL ways of committing adultery – even if you’ve never been LITERALLY physically touched.
You may have ACTUALLY moved towards physical intimacy: holding hands, kissing, touching inappropriately, sex in all forms: oral, intercourse, fondling, etc.
But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself. – Proverbs 6:32
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. – 1 Corinthians 6:18
If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them. – James 4:17
HOW TO END IT
- STOP ALL COMMUNICATION. PERIOD. A lengthy, heartfelt, goodbye is NOT necessary. If you feel that you must end it, cleanly, then here’s a template of what you can say:
“INSERT NAME – We have been in sin and it stops today. I will not contact you any further and do not contact me.”
That’s it. No further explanation is needed.
- BLOCK HIM ON ALL APPS AND WAYS OF COMMUNICATION. DO NOT WAIT.
- DELETE ALL PHOTOS, SCREENSHOTS, MESSAGES, AND ANYTHING THAT WOULD COME UP AND SPARK A MEMORY. *The only reason I would keep anything like this is if the situation is with a co-worker or it’s possible other people are going to get involved and you need proof of something. I pray this is not the situation for anyone but just to clarify.*
- THROW AWAY ANY GIFTS GIVEN TO YOU. DO NOT HOLD ONTO ANYTHING.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. – 1 JOHN 1:9
Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord. – Acts 3:19
HE IS FAITHFUL LADIES. Do not fear coming to the Lord with your sin and acknowledging your wickedness. Look at David’s example after his affair with Bathsheba and the murder of her husband:
Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
so that sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.
18 May it please you to prosper Zion,
to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
in burnt offerings offered whole;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, – ROMANS 8:1
Please seek wise, Godly counsel – should you confess to your spouse? I have heard different answers from different Christian counselors.
I know a woman who confessed her one night stand to her husband and 25 years later, he hadn’t forgiven her and they ended up divorced. She never went back to her sin and he never forgave her. Was she right in telling her husband?
I really do not want to insert my own opinion here.
I know that the Bible speaks to confessing and making things right with those we have hurt. James 5:16
I am just encouraging you to seek someone older and Godly – confess to them and go from there. PRAY. Trust the Lord. AND NEVER EVER EVER GO BACK TO YOUR SIN.
SOME THINGS TO REMEMBER
- This affair is NOT love. Love isn’t sneaky, sinful, and it doesn’t hurt others. Read 1 Corinthians 13. THAT is Biblical love. LOVE wouldn’t put you in situations where you were sinning against the Lord and hurting yourself, your family, your reputation, ministry, etc. WHATEVER YOUR FEELINGS SAY – THIS IS NOT LOVE!
- No matter how good this man or these men make you feel – this sin is a cancer. It will not last and you will end up HURT and hurting others. DO NOT SACRIFICE peace in your life for small moments of feeling desired, beautiful, and appreciated.
- God NEVER sends a man to you when you’re married or when they’re married. THIS IS NOT FROM GOD. NOT ONE BIT.
- People lie. Oh boy do they lie. You’re lying just by having this affair. DO NOT THROW YOUR LIFE AWAY FOR WHAT COULD BE LIES. I don’t care how much you trust your affair partner, I PROMISE that people lie when they want to get their way and affairs are BUILT on deception.
- NO MATTER WHAT YOUR HUSBAND DOES OR DOESN’T DO, he doesn’t deserve you to cheat on him. One sin doesn’t make another sin right.
- It may seem TOO painful to go through, ending the affair but I promise it will get easier and it will produce righteousness in you – as long as you continue to seek the Lord, abiding in Him. TRUST HIM, please!
GOD RESTORES MARRIAGES. PLEASE TRUST HIM.
REPENT TODAY. END THE AFFAIR.
Remember Lot’s wife! Do not look back! Trust the Lord and get out now!