Let’s travel back to 2013 when we were living in Ohio. I was a VERY different woman than I am today thanks to Christ and that very different woman (me) was determined to get a pet.
We had our two daughters already – they were little and I had fixed my mind to get a cat. When I say “fixed my mind”….I MEANT IT. I was going to get an animal, no matter what. And really that “no matter what” was directed towards my husband – “No matter what YOU say Jacob. We’re doing this.”
How wicked.
But that’s what I thought and that’s what I started pushing for. I asked him sweetly at first and he said “No.” Instead of listening to his reasonings, I got angry. And I started pouting. I started getting mad. I blamed him for “controlling my life.” I guilted him. And eventually…he broke.
He begrudgingly drove us all to the pet rescue shelter and that’s when we found Socks, the cutest little tuxedo cat. Yep, the very Socks who captured my heart and became VERY important to my family. But you didn’t know how I got him, did ya?
I was ecstatic to have him but you know who wasn’t? Jacob.
And this lingered for years! I would want Jacob to LOVE Socks too and while Jacob was kind to him and paid for everything, each time he looked at Socks, it was a reminder of my manipulation, my sin as his wife. I knew I only had my beloved cat because I sinned to get him.
Socks became very attached to me and me to him. We had him all this time until some months ago, something happened and he went missing. He was strictly an indoor cat and one night he was just gone. We did everything we could to find him but after so much time, we all had to grieve him being gone forever. 8+ years with my little buddy. It’s been VERY HARD missing him.
FAST FORWARD to Parker Posy
After Socks was gone and we came to terms with that, the girls started asking about us getting another cat? I immediately said “No.” While I like cats, I think I really just liked Socks, lol. I wasn’t ready for a new cat.
But then the opportunity came up to get one of the cousin pomeranians to one of the poms my sister has.
So, this time I had a choice.
I could do the right(eous) thing: tell Jacob about the opportunity and allow him to make the final decision. If the answer was “No,” then I respect it and we move on.
OR I could repeat what I did with Socks and guilt him into saying “Yes!” It would have been easy. I am missing Socks. How could he keep me from having another animal? What about the girls? Blah blah blah. My flesh could have come up with a lot. *I really hate “her.” lol, truly.
Well, I am happy to report that I did the right(eous) thing. Jacob took days to tell me his answer and I truly had prayed and felt a peace about whatever his answer would be.
He came back, after telling me he did research on their breed and costs, etc. that we could get Parker – who I have now named “Parker Posy.”
Do you ladies even know how amazing it feels to get this dog, not because I did anything to push my husband into it but simply because he LOVES me and wants to do something so kind and sweet for me and our children?
AND GUESS WHAT? JACOB IS EXCITED. Not as excited as me, lol, but he is happy. There is no tension in bringing Parker home, spending money on her, etc. It is peaceful, joyous.
And it’s because I didn’t sin as a wife to get my way and I am able to enjoy this blessing knowing that it is all happening because of my husband’s heart for me – not because I forced it to happen.
The lesson here ladies, is we have to STOP manipulating our husbands into making the choices we want them to make. They are the head and we are not. Jacob definitely seeks my counsel on big decisions and listens to my advice but it’s only recently that he’s been able to actually trust that I am not going to punish him if he doesn’t do things my way.
I had to repent of my rebellious spirit and attitude as a wife.
Ephesians 5:22-24. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
While not submitting to my husband’s choices for us, I displayed:
- A lack of self-control.
- A willingness to sin.
- A rebellion against God’s order for our marriage.
- A selfish attitude/behavior.
- A sinful role model to my children. I showed if you don’t get your way, pout. Don’t respect the decision that was made.
I also showed my husband, once again, that he cannot trust me. He couldn’t tell me “no” and trust that I would respect it. And if we’re seeking to be Holy as Christ is Holy, our husbands need to be able to trust us!
“Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.” – Proverbs 31:11
Thank the Lord for His saving grace, for sanctification. I have repented of my sin as a wife. I have apologized to Jacob and have had to spend time showing him that he CAN trust me. I will submit to him. It’s done WONDERS in our marriage.
Why?
Because it is what’s RIGHTeous! This is how marriage is supposed to be, how God designed it to be. We honor Him when we follow HIM. When we love Him, we obey Him. And as wives, we have a HUGE responsibility to do good and not harm to our husbands.
We need to not manipulate things to get our way. Trust the Lord in your obedience – in your submission. PRAY. Don’t push. When your husband can trust you, he will be more willing to seek your advice and even follow it.
I hope this encourages a wife out there. We never need to fear doing anything God’s way!
WITH LOVE JILLIAN 