A lot of people are talking about miscarriage this month. It’s a subject we should be talking about openly whenever it’s appropriate to.
There are so many grieving mothers and fathers – losing their little ones before they ever got to hold them, know their sex, or pick out nursery furniture.
It can very hard to know what to do for your friends when they’ve suffered a miscarriage. Having gone through 3 myself, I know that I am so grateful for my friends being there for me. Here are some ways my friends helped me during my miscarriages. I pray they help.
GRIEVE WITH THEM.
One of the most important things you can do is to be REAL about the situation. Their baby has died. DIED. So many mothers don’t know how to feel or grieve since their child passed suddenly and often early on in pregnancy.
The truth is that there is LIFE at conception. This was a real, living little soul. They need to be mourned over. Their life has value. So, don’t worry about showing sad emotions. You should show emotion. A life has been tragically lost. Grieve with her. Hold her. Cry with her. Talk with her. She needs to mourn the loss.
CALL THE BABY BY HIS OR HER NAME
Not every parent does this but we named each of the babies we lost. Jamie, Shiloh, and Magnolia.
When I hear my family members and friends refer to them by name … goodness, it brings warmth to my heart like I cannot even truly describe. It’s so loving to hear them be acknowledged.
If your friend has named their baby – use their name.
MAKE HER MEALS // CLEAN HER HOME
Not only has her body been through something hard but emotionally and mentally – she needs to heal! Encourage her to rest and help manage her home for her.
Cook meals, do the laundry, clean the bathrooms. Do what you can to help her continue normal life while she is resting and healing. This is such a loving thing to do for her and her family.
BUY HER A MEMORIAL GIFT
With each of my miscarriages, my closest friend Mandy has gifted me a Willow Tree figure. I have one for each baby next to our bed.
These are so very precious to me.
When we lost our last baby in 2017, my girlfriends from church all put their money together and bought me a necklace with the initial M on it. M for Magnolia, which we named the baby. I still wear it and keep it close.
Giving these types of gifts are so sweet and your grieving friend will have something to treasure for her whole life. It reminds her that her baby(s) are not forgotten.
DON’T FORGET THE HUSBAND
So often, husbands don’t show their wives their grief because they’re trying to be “the strong one.” While this is a way they’re showing their love – WIVES NEED TO SEE THEIR HUSBANDS GRIEVE OVER THE LOSS OF THEIR BABY.
The father is hurting too. Let’s not forget him. He needs prayer, encouragement, and comfort as well.
FLOWERS + CARDS
Maybe you’re not super close to the woman who is grieving? Sending flowers and a card is totally sweet and appropriate. Just let the family know you’re praying for them and you’re there if they need anything.
This is a loving gesture to show compassion and acknowledgment of the little life lost.
“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.” – Galatians 6
“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” – Romans 12:10
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” – 1 Corinthians 13
I truly pray these ideas help. And to my own Jamie, Shiloh, and Maggie: Mommy and Daddy love you so much!!!
SOLI DEO GLORIA.