You’re either visiting this page because you’re curious as to what “recommitting yourself to purity as a wife” means or because you have committed sin or are in sin – while married and it’s breaking you.
I’m here to speak to the hearts of the women who are in Jesus and have also committed or currently are committing sins of sexual immorality, fantasies, emotional affairs, physical affairs, “harmless” flirting, etc.
And a side note: Do not ever believe you’re above these sins. I NEVER EVER thought this would be my past story. EVER. Opening the door to a little sin turned into drowning in wickedness – NO WOMAN is off limits to these sins. We ALL must be on our guard and alert – satan will pounce and your flesh will willing go if you are not submitting to the Word and HIS Holiness.
Flee sexual immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. -1 Corinthians 6:18
The church does a good job of talking to youth about abstaining from impurity until you’re married but there’s not a lot to help women know how to remain pure post marriage.
I am the poster child of this truth.
I went through the TRUE LOVE WAITS program as a young person, my parent’s bought me a purity ring, and even though I had the opportunity while dating different boys – I never lost my virginity until my wedding night. It was something I saw as very precious to be able to give my husband. Fast forward 7 years and divorce papers sit on my desk, I am publicly dating someone else, my husband and I are separated, and I have entered into a sexual relationship with my new boyfriend and welcomed in a pornography addiction. My views on marriage were sinful. I hated it (marriage) honestly. My parents had divorced (even being an adult it was immensely hard), I had been sexually assaulted, and married men were continually pursuing me (online) for sexual benefits. It was a very dark time – I entered into a deep depression and my heart became calloused.
and they, having become callous, have given themselves over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness. – Ephesians4
Let’s fast forward to present time and by God’s great mercy – I am still married to my husband, the man I was dating – we broke up and now have no communication, I don’t have a pornography addiction, and my desire to be a virtuous, submissive, Godly wife IS HIGH. God graciously fully changed my heart. A serious 360 change ladies. I am no longer the same woman I was.
But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. – 1 Corinthians 7:2
I don’t want to paint the wrong picture though friends. My story hasn’t been just a Happily Ever After. Over the years, it was hard – so many tears, almost another divorce, and daily struggle not to go back to pornography on lonely nights.
SIN was still present in my heart during these times and until I repented of it all FULLY (even the thoughts), it continued to be a daily battle. And I’ll be honest. I didn’t go to the Cross on my own. God wrecked me, humbled me, and DISCIPLINED me. I am so grateful that He did. Because of that – today – I am a completely new woman.
Repentance of these sins.
If you are currently flirting with someone, having conversations with a man who isn’t your husband, watching filthy content, fantasizing about being with someone else — REPENT. Stop and repent today! Take drastic measures to remove the temptation NOW. This sin is deadly serious.
For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, -Mark 7:21
And in the Old Testament times that’s exactly what the punishment was – death. God is still the same God and He hates when we are unfaithful. Now – the good news is that we have been completely forgiven 100% of every wicked, depraved, evil, sexual, wretched thing we have EVER done. That includes sleeping around, flirting, having impure thoughts, masturbating, same-sex things, all of it!
| Deuteronomy 22:22 | If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel. |
Romans 8 says that when we are in Christ we no longer have ANY condemnation. You do not have to carry any guilt or shame for your sins but we do need to surrender these sins to God with a broken and contrite heart.
Psalm 51 is a chapter to read and pray – it’s when King David, the man after God’s own heart, committed adultery with Uriah’s wife and then had Uriah killed. This Psalm is an example of how we should also bring our sexual sin to the Lord.
Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Once you have repented and taken measures to remove temptations, we need to allow Romans 8 to be the truth we live. Satan is going to want you to stay in a state where you feel unforgiven, shame, and unqualified to do ministry or have a strong marriage moving forward. This is all his same old trick to get us to doubt God’s Word.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
It is by God’s Amazing Grace that we have been saved in Jesus Christ. His blood is and was sufficient to save the worst of sinners and we’re all bad.
The prayer for recommitment that I have adopted is from the book of Hosea – it has been important for me to continue to repeat when I feel that sinking feeling of shame come.
In the book of Hosea, God tells the prophet to marry a prostitute, Gomer. She has many lovers and continues to run off to them. God tells Hosea to continually bring back his wife and love her. This is an imagery of how God sees us – His chosen people.
In Hosea 2:19-20 God says:
“I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord.”
I love this so much and it has become my heart vows to God. I have sinned – as a Christian – GREATLY!!!
I deserve to be brutally stoned to death 70×7 times. My wickedness is deeper than I would ever want to admit but it could never go too deep for Jesus’ grace. He took it. He took every sin, every time I fell, every bad choice and put it on Himself to be paid for.
But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed. – Isaiah 53
Since being sanctified in the Holy Spirit, I am easily recognizing sin in my life more and more. I never want to revisit the woman I once was and I never have to. I pray daily for a Holy hatred of sin and with daily discipline in the Word and being devoted to pray – God will help me not go back to the earthly passions that once enslaved me. In fact, He has given me that hatred.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. – 1 John 1:9
We are new creations ladies and our past sins do not disqualify us from ministry or will mean that we won’t have a Godly marriage – that you aren’t or cannot be a virtuous woman.
I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. – Galatians 1:2
Like a prodigal daughter, run to the Father, and repent. He will forgive you and restore you. He is faithful. He is so good. He is so great.
17 “But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! 18 I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.”’ 20 And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. 21 And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’[b] 22 But the father said to his servants,[c] ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. 23 And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. 24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate. – Luke 15
21 Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work. – 2 Timothy 2
5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. – Col.3
14 How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God! – Hebrews9
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; – 1 Thess.4
It is my loving advice, having walked through so much pain due to my sinfulness to uphold these rules.
- If he isn’t your husband or your brother/dad HAVE NO PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS WHATSOEVER with them. None. Not in DMs, texts, on the phone, or in person. None. I believed men and women could be friends but even the appearance of evil can and will destroy – so hard line to draw in the sand but draw it and make it deep. NO exceptions. If you need to communicate – bring someone into the conversation. Im working on this and no its not easy – especially when you’re a social butterfly but work at it ladies. We need to have strong boundaries. THIS EVEN GOES FOR YOUR PASTOR – Have his wife or someone trusted like an elder present. NO PRIVATE TIMES.
- Turn off the “entertainment.” NO more watching things that glorify sex, making out, sensuality, nudity, adultery, etc. Think how creepy it would be if you were standing at the foot of someones bed watching them passionately kiss. This is what we do when we watch these things in movies but its worse because we pay for it, bring it into our homes – present it to our husbands and even children as “ok” and we call it entertainment. Just say NO to all these things. You don’t need to be tempted or have flashbacks to your sin because something is triggering a memory. Turn it off. Watch something wholesome or nothing at all.
- Fantasies are DANGEROUS. This is going to take discipline but if you’re starting to daydream about something improper – stop whatever you’re doing and pray, read Scripture, and do something different. If you’re in the shower – put on worship music and sing. If you’re in the car – pray aloud. If you’re alone in your room – go be with someone or go take a walk. Do not allow yourself to sit there and fantasize. We have to actively kill this sin. Daily sometimes even.
- Having fantasies during sex – talk to your spouse about it and change things up if something is triggering a memory. You can also pray during sex which I know may sound strange but it’s not. God designed it, okay. He isn’t a prude. lol. Pray to keep your mind on your husband. Also, don’t just lay there and let your mind wander. Actively touch your husband and look AT him. Say his name. Keep the focus on him.
- Continually go to the Word of God and remind yourself how serious sin is. I had to do this often because my sinful nature would wander and be like “oh it’s not that big of a deal to just flirt a little.” NO. NO. NO. Stop that! All sin is serious. When we’re devoted to the Word and it’s on our minds and hearts daily – we will be less likely to be numb to these things. God is HOLY. We cannot actively sin and think He is okay with it because there is grace. No. Paul even says in Romans that we ABSOLUTELY DO NOT GO ON SINNING BECAUSE OF GRACE. What a wicked thought.
- GET USED TO DIFFERENT: Change the music you listen to, what you watch, what you wear, where you go, how you interact with others, how you approach ministry, what you talk to your friends about, what you read … We are NEW CREATIONS in Christ and our lives should be different.
- Have open communication with your husband when you are struggling. He can help you – in prayer, with intimacy, with protection. God has given JESUS as our ultimate authority and protector but we also have our husbands as our head – another protector. Lean into him and trust your husband to love you through hard days.
WITH LOVE JILLIAN 