Hey friends and new friends! My name is Jillian and blogging is no new thing for me but journaling my story is. I have done women’s ministry for years online but I have stepped away recently in order to heal and work on issues that I have been neglecting, hiding, and ignoring for over a decade.
I grew up a thin girl, though I thought I was fat and really struggled with body hatred. When I was 21, everything changed when I started facing a deep depression that went undiagnosed until I was 33.
I went from being an active Cheerleader that weighed a healthy 140 at 5’4 to weighing in at 198 lbs. in less than 4 months.
Skip through the years, two babies, three miscarriages, and at my current age of 35 I weighed in at over 280 lbs. Knocking 290.
The last time I weighed in on the scale, I was 258 lbs. which is what the above photo reveals.
On my podcast, when I was pursuing women’s ministry I publicly repented from my Obesity and my Food Addiction. You can listen to that episode here.
I came to a vital point where things in my life were going so well but there was so much hidden in my heart’s closet: struggling with a (now repented of) sin (that I thought I could handle…I couldn’t), depression, binge eating disorder, and ooofff, it’s a lot.
I had been brave years ago, with the support of my family, and got diagnosed with depression and started medication. But I should have started seeing a Christian counselor a long time ago and didn’t.
That is now changed. I stepped away from my women’s ministry “LIVE HOLY: The Bold Blondie” and now I am just sharing my journey of change after this big repentance I went through.
The Christian Counseling stuff I will be keeping off my blog and social media. Some things are private and need to be kept between the family. But the changes of my obesity and food addiction, even some of the mental health stuff, I AM SO OPEN TO SHARE! We absolutely need Christian women to talk on these issues.
I cannot help but worship the Lord through it all. The journey has produced these amazing results that can only be attributed to the work of the Holy Spirit. ALL GLORY TO HIM.
So, 7 weeks ago I started Intermittent Fasting. 16/8. Which means that you fast for 16 hours and eat during an 8 hour window.
I knew that I needed to do something that would implement self-control. My binge eating disorder has impacted my life for so long.
I WENT INTO ACTION!
I found a Christian Physician, this is a different person than my Counselor, and I have a Christian IF Accountability Partner (who has already lost 80 lbs. with IF and is continually overcoming his own food idols.) Obviously my husband is my biggest support and he is right beside me as I go through ALL these new changes.
In 7 weeks, I have kept to my Intermittent Fasting and I haven’t dieted at all! I still eat pizza but now I am not eating it to stuff down feelings or to binge. I can eat two slices and be done. It is amazing! I am cooking at home now and this is one of the biggest changes for me too. I have fallen in love with cooking meals.
I started walking/jogging (I want to be a RUNNER!) and doing the Beachbody program “Country Heat.”
I am about to start drinking MORE water. My IF accountability partner has challenged me to drink 1/2 a gallon to a gallon a day now.
Am I healed of my binge eating disorder? No. But I am in recovery and healing.
My biggest encouragement that I can give you right now is not to be scared to seek help. I am so grateful for the support I’ve received from my family as I have admitted to hard things and seeking help from Professionals.
THE REAL HEALER though is JESUS. ALWAYS.
I can’t accomplish anything without Him. I wouldn’t listen to a Dr. or a Counselor who didn’t submit themselves to the ultimate authority of God’s Word. I am in really good hands as I go through these big changes in my life.
I won’t be officially weighing in again until July 26th, which is the next time I see my Dr. But I will continue to show progress photos of how my body is reacting to the changes I am making.
It’s not about being skinny but being sanctified. I want to grow and mature in my faith. Being obese has been horrible on my body and honestly on my mental health. It’s been hard on my marriage and as a Mommy. I want to be ACTIVE and not out of breath. I want to truly be free from the bondages of addiction and how that hurts my body and life.
Jesus paid for all the addiction and sin we face. It’s already been handled and FINISHED. We only need surrender and then continually surrender as we allow the Holy Spirit to work in our hearts and lives.
DO NOT THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SIN, ADDICTION, OR DEPRESSION ALONE. Please be brave and see someone. THERE IS NO CONDEMNATION FOR THOSE IN CHRIST JESUS BUT THERE MAY BE COST IF WE DO NOT REPENT AND LAY OUR LIVES DOWN AT THE FEET OF JESUS.
Thanks for being here. You can follow my Instagram for daily posts and stories.
with love, Jillian